Fast Fall Walk

The weather has turned suddenly cold.  The bumble bees appear to be frozen in the morning on the flowers waitng for the sun to warm them.  Note to Self.....It gives a photographer perfect opportunity to macro a bumble bee!  Today it was cloudy cold and windy.  I came home from work and did a fast fall walk jog as the sun went down.  The days are definitely shorter in day light and the feel of Fall is in the air.

Sunday Valley Cruz

Valley Cruz 2010

Today we had a car show at our church and I walked around getting pictures of beautiful old cars.  These cars are lovingly restored and proudly displayed.  It was a beautiful day and I spent it in photographic solitude among friends and strangers.  Did I count it as exercise?..... No, it does not count as 30 minutes of intentional exercise!  I came home and went for a walk around the hood before heading off to see the movie Eat Pray Love with my friend Stephanie.  It was a great movie, offering beautiful scenery, divine culture and plenty to reflect on.....

SetBacks

Such a rough week emotionally and I feel drained of emotion of any variety.  My husband and I walked over to the Middle School to watch an Agility Dog Contest.  Immediately our eyes found the small dogs and a Papillion breeder was there with 4 puppies.  We held one called "Big Jake", and although I had fleeting thoughts of getting another dog, we refrained, and was content to just hold the little guy.  After the dog trials we walked over to Subway and talked about our little "Shmupps" and how much we miss him.  I feel like I have let go of control over my food choices and it is starting to get the upper hand....it is definitely a setback.

Time to Play

If it wasn't for this project I would not have exercised today.  I think the depression went a little deeper today.  I am having a hard time with all the visual reminders of Chance, so I tried to remove them all tonight.  I packed up all his doggie accessories and put them out of sight in another room and closed the door.  Then I vacummed the whole house.  I am finding small little furry reminders of his silky soft hair everywhere and each one I find hurts a little.  I know I can't remove them all because I will find one on a shirt that I have decided to wear or a coat from the closet.  Tonight I did yoga on a cleanly vacummed carpet and I missed my doggie licks to the face.  Chance always thought that when I was on the floor it was time to play and he would position himself under my Warrior One yoga pose or lick my face on the Downward Dog and I would shoo him away..... I didn't think I would miss that....

Wednesday Walk

Normally a Wednesday would not be such a big deal.  But I am still dealing with the little things that come with losing a pet. I made it through work with mild depression, it helps to force your brain to focus on other issues that are immediate and important.  I have been trying to medicate my feelings with food, eating without concern for myself and it never works.  At the end of the food tunnel all you find are tight jeans and saddness.  I have so many emotions to deal with right now and I am only adding to it with donuts.  I went for a walk today because it is the only thing I can put a "pin drop" of energy into doing.

Still Painful

Today, is a new day and almost 24 hours farther from loosing my little warm furry bundle of unconditional love...and it is still painful.  Going to bed last night was horrible as I expected to hear his little jump up from the floor to the bed and feel him snuggle up against me.  I cried myself to sleep last night and I am not so sure tonight is going to be any easier.   I had a major, " I miss my dog" meltdown at lunch time.  I am so thankful I have an hour for lunch.  I was able to cry my eyes out, pull myself partially together and go back to work for the afternoon.  When 5 o'clock hit I didn't really want to go home to an empty house so I called my husband to be sure he was going to be there when I got home.  He suggested we walk over to Subway for dinner and I was glad to be able to get my exercise done, my dinner eaten, and therapy talking about our little "Shmupper" dog as we walked...

Bye Chance

Chance~ 2000-2010

It was the Monday after the terrible weekend.   Our dog Chance having been diagnosed with diabetes, could not continue any longer with his battle back to good health.  We took him to the Vet for a Monday morning appointment but we knew in our hearts we may have to say goodbye.  I was at work when my husband called me and I was still hoping we could save our little "schmupps".  As soon as my husband said, "I am going to let the Vet talk to you....",  I knew my worst Monday was about to happen.  I knew this day would come eventually, and it came too quickly.  I was blessed to have a new manager who has 3 dogs who are her "children", and when I entered her office and told her, she did not hesitate to send me off to be with my "dog-child".  I called my son Marshall, who was still asleep in bed, and he wanted to say goodbye also, so we drove to the Vet as quickly as we could.  My little dog, who hates the Vet Clinic and normally shakes like a leaf on a tree, was waiting calmly with my husband in the sunshine outside the Clinic.  I held him in my arms as we entered the building, and I was anticipating his panic and angst to go home but he did not even try.  I know it was the right thing to do for him.  He could not lay still at home for very long without having to reposition himself to be comfortable, he could not eat and he stopped drinking water.  I held him in my arms and whispered in his ear that I loved him and that he was a good boy as he took his last breath..... it was a heart ache like I have never felt before and I spent all day trying to escape it.  Everywhere I went there was comfort being offered but no relief was found as my heart continued to break.  It wasn't until late evening that I could even have a conversation with anyone, and thats when I went for a walk with my friend Cindy.  It is always her wisdom that calms the storm in my head, her love that eases the pain in my heart and the bond that we share in God is unbreakable...